Not Meant To Be Broken Read online

  My aunt and uncle were as surprised about the changes in me as my dad had been. It was wonderful to sit around a table with everyone without having worried glances thrown my way. In the last few years everyone had always waited for me to have a nervous breakdown, but today Zach was the center of attention. Everyone loved them, especially my little cousins. Zach carried them around on his shoulders and told them about his fights. Even Brian laughed like he hadn’t laughed in years. Life was good.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Amber

  It was only one week till Christmas. I’d bought a calendar with gorgeous photos of Patagonia for Zach, but I still needed something else. I was bad at buying gifts for others. Maybe I needed to take Reagan up on her offer to help me with my Christmas shopping this year. One pre-Christmas gift I’d planned for tonight wasn’t exactly a gift, though I had a feeling that Zach would be more excited about it than about the calendar.

  Zach and I were snuggled against each other on the sofa, and he was trailing his fingers up and down my arm. It was distracting. The credits played on the TV screen but I was barely paying attention. Zach’s hand moved lower and began drawing gentle circles on my hip. All through the movie, I’d been thinking about my decision. I wanted to be absolutely sure that I was ready before I told Zach. I didn’t want to have to push him away. He’d been so patient with me.

  Zach leaned back and stretched, revealing a sliver of his muscled stomach. I loved running my hand over it, over Zach’s entire body. I loved how velvety his penis felt in my palm, how I could make him tremble under my touch. I felt powerful when we were in bed together. Since the incident sex had always equated being powerless and losing control, but with Zach I’d discovered that it didn’t have to be that way. I wanted Zach. I really wanted to be with him, wanted to finally rid myself of that last barrier from the past. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach. My body yearned for Zach’s touch, for the feel of his skin against mine.

  Zach noticed me staring and cocked one eyebrow. I wished I could do that. For me it’s either both eyebrows, or none. “Do I have something on my face?”

  For a few moments I didn’t say anything then I shook my head. I wrapped my hand around Zach’s, then stood and tugged at his arm. Without hesitation he also got to his feet, confusion clear on his face. “Amber? What’s the matter?”

  I bit my lip, embarrassed to voice my request. I curled a hand around his neck, pulled him down to me and kissed him, then I murmured against his mouth. “I want to sleep with you.”

  Zach pulled back to search my eyes. “Are you sure?”

  I nodded and began leading him toward his bedroom. He followed silently. I closed the door. Brian was at Lauren’s but I didn’t want to risk him walking in on us. It was still difficult enough for him to watch Zach and me kiss. I turned. Zach stood in the middle of the room. There was a bulge in his pants. I smiled at him, walked toward the bed and sat down. Zach watched me with so much intensity that it sent a thrill through me. “Won’t you join me?” I asked in amusement. I scooted up on the mattress and patted the spot beside me.

  Zach shook off his stupor and came toward the bed. He lay down beside me and leaned over me until our faces were only inches apart. “You can say no any time, you know that, right?”

  “I know.” I caught his lips in another kiss, my tongue darting out to meet his. Our kiss became more urgent, kindling a fire of desire in my belly. I pushed my hands under Zach’s shirt, feeling his hot skin, the firm muscles, the trail of fine hairs that disappeared in his waistband. Zach groaned as my palm grazed his bulge. He sat up and I pulled the shirt over his head, revealing his perfect chest. He pressed up to me and slid a hand under my shirt, tracing the edge of my bra then flicking a finger over my nipple through the cup. I twitched at the sensation. He cupped my breast through my bra, running his thumb back and force over my hard nub, sending small shivers of pleasure down my spine. I hummed in agreement when he helped me out of my shirt and unhooked my bra, revealing my breasts.

  He bent over me and placed a soft kiss against the hollow of my throat, then slowly worked his way toward my left breast. Oh God. He licked the underside, then circled around until his tongue reached the edge of my nipple. I arched my back, wanting him to lick it, but he only kissed it very softly. I bit my lip as he kissed my nub over and over again, the touch feather soft. Wetness pooled between my legs. “Zach,” I half moaned. He was playing around. And while I loved his playful side, right now I wanted something else.

  He peered at me over my breast and pressed another gentle kiss against my nipple. I was burning up with need and his teasing drove me almost insane. “Hm?” he said, bringing one hand up to circle my other breast. His thump lightly grazed one nipple as he kissed the other. “I need more,” I brought out.

  “More?” Zach raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t know what I meant. I pressed my knee against his crotch and found him rock hard. He pulled back with a growl. “I want to take this slow, Amber.”

  “This is too slow,” I protested and caught a glimpse of his smirk before he lowered his head and his hot lips closed around my nipple. He suckled it, first slowly then faster, and his thumb on my other nipple flicked back and forth at the same pace. I could feel every jolt of pleasure all the way between my legs. Zach watched me as he teased my breasts with his tongue and lips. I closed my eyes, still not able to meet his gaze when we were intimate. He sucked my nipple harder and a moan slipped past my lips. I was so wet. How was that even possible?

  Zach’s hand moved away from my nipple but his mouth kept up its sucking. He unbuttoned my jeans, then sat up to slide them off. His eyes trailed up my legs as his hands glided over them, then my hips and stomach until they cupped my breasts. He kneaded them gently, then lowered his mouth and licked my left nipple. His hand brushed my stomach, one finger slipping beneath the edge of my panties teasingly. Yes. I made a sound deep in my throat and I could feel Zach smiling against my breast. Tease. He moved his hand down until his finger slid between my folds, my soaked panties clinging to my core. “Fuck,” he ground out. “So fucking wet.”

  He rubbed his finger back and forth, causing more wetness to pool out. I lifted my hip, hoping he’d get the hint. He chuckled, sat up and spread my legs, then propped himself between them. He looked at me and grinned like the cat that ate the canary. Do it.

  He kissed my opening through my panties, spreading me even wider. His mouth was so hot against my center as he dusted soft pecks against my clothed folds. Tingles spread from my center through my entire body. My toes curled. He moved the crotch of my panties aside and kissed the skin there, drawing in a deep breath. He drove me insane. I pressed my lips together, almost not able to bear the tension building in my body. He trailed his tongue along the ridge between my thighs and my core, back and forth, slowly, teasingly.

  “You smell so good,” he moaned. “But I know you taste even better.” He hooked his fingers under my panties, then looked up. His eyes were hooded with desire. At one time a look like that would have sent me into a panic but now my body responded with a sweet tingling between my legs. I raised my hips so Zach could easily slide my panties down. He dropped them on the ground, then slid his hands below my butt, squeezing the cheeks. He gripped my waist, pushed me further up the bed and knelt before me on the mattress before he spread my legs and lay down between them. His breath fanned over my wet folds, making me shiver. “I can’t wait to taste you,” he whispered as he kissed my opening, then my folds and my clit.

  I jerked and gasped at the feel of his lips against me. He was so good at this. His fingers parted my folds and his tongue darted out, nudging my clit for the briefest moment before his mouth cupped it. I threw my head back and closed my eyes.

  “Oh God,” I groaned. He gently sucked on me, slow and unhurried, sending spikes of pleasure through me with every tug of his lips. I squirmed under his administrations. Every time I got close to shattering in pleasure, Zach released my clit and kissed my inner thigh, driving me
so insane with need I wasn’t sure I could stand it much longer. “Please,” I whispered.

  He brushed another kiss over my folds, then my clit, before closing his lips over it and continuing his sucking. Slowly he increased the speed of his lips and I could feel my pleasure building again. This time Zach didn’t pull back. He sucked harder and faster, his hands moving up my body to knead my breasts. He clamped by nipples between two fingers and twisted, and at the same time sucked my clit hard. I squeezed my eyes shut, my legs shuddering as my orgasm crashed over me, riding through wave after wave of pleasure. My fingers clawed the sheets, my butt lifting as I gasped and moaned. Slowly I came down. Zach was still between my legs, kissing me and occasionally trailing his tongue over my core and clit. “I love licking you.”

  And I love being licked by you, I thought but was too shy to say aloud. He brought one of his hands between my legs and gently rubbed a finger between my fold, then over my opening but he didn’t enter me. Zach glanced up at me. “We don’t have to do this,” he said quietly, and I realized I’d tensed up at the light pressure against my opening.

  “I want to,” I said, trying to relax. Zach didn’t take his eyes off me, as he slid his fingertip into me. I was wet and it felt nice, especially when Zach started rubbing my clit again. I relaxed even further. He eased his finger into my core, pumping it in and out at a leisurely pace. As my pleasure started building again, he pulled out, then nudged my opening with two fingers. Kissing my thigh, he slid them in very slowly. My muscles contracted but I was so wet, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Zach hummed in satisfaction as he began pumping in and out. “You are so wet, honey. I love that I did that to you. I could spend all my life with my head between your legs.” I was too turned on to be embarrassed about his words.

  “Zach,” I said. “I want you now.” Zach pulled his fingers out and shoved down his pants, his penis standing to attention. I’d touched his hardness more than once but now that he knelt between my legs, a tiny hint of nervousness overcame me. He pushed a condom down his length, and lowered himself to his forearms, his erection pressed against my thigh, and kissed my throat, then my cheek and temple before meeting my eyes. “You can say ‘no’, Amber. Any time. Always.” He kissed my lips. I shook my head. I wanted this. I’d wanted this for a while. He captured my mouth in another kiss, and I met his tongue with mine, but Zach made no move to push into me. He drew back a couple of inches. “Then tell me you want this. I need to hear you say it.” My heart swelled with love for him.

  “I want this.” After a kiss, I added, “I want you.”

  Zach shifted and brought a hand between us, guiding his erection until the head was pressed against my opening. Then he slid his arm back up and cupped my cheek in his palm, his eyes fixed on mine. I lay my palms flat against his back, feeling his muscles flex as he moved his hips and slid into me inch by inch. My eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of him inside me. “Is this okay? I’m almost all the way in,” Zach ground out in a strained murmur. “Tell me if I’m hurting you. If you need me to stop.”

  “It’s okay.” It didn’t hurt. There was only the sensation of being full. I’d worried sleeping with Zach would bring back haunting memories, but this had nothing to with what had been done to me years ago. This was loving and gentle and perfect. The feeling of Zach’s body on top of me, the feeling of him in me, made me feel safe and cherished. Tears prickled my eyes and slid out. Zach tensed and started to pull out, but I held onto him. “No. Don’t.”

  “You’re crying,” he said quietly.

  I opened my eyes and smiled before kissing him. “Because I’m happy.”

  Zach looked stunned, then relieved. “So you don’t want me to stop.”

  I shook my head. “I want you to move.”

  Zach pulled almost all the way out, then pushed back in, slowly picking up pace. Every stroke of his erection sent a shiver of pleasure through my body. I moaned against Zach’s lips and his own pants were coming faster. He reached under me and lifted my butt, changing the angle. I gasped at the sensation but I didn’t look away from Zach. I wanted to be with him physically and mentally. Our eyes were locked, and with every thrust I could feel a tiny piece of my past breaking away. They didn’t win. They’d wanted to break me, wanted to destroy me and my future but as I looked into Zach’s loving face I knew this was only the beginning of my life. The past no longer had a choke hold on me.

  “Come for me, Amber,” he whispered. I was barreling closer and closer toward my peak with every thrust, and then I tumbled over. I cried out, my entire body tensing, my core muscles clenching. Zach moved even faster, low growls slipping from his lips. His muscles tensed under my fingers and with a shudder he let out a low moan as his own release gripped him. His movements slowed as he rained down kisses all over my face, then he stopped, eyes searching mine. He wiped a tear from my face and kissed the tip of my nose before he pulled out and threw the condom into the trash as he lied down beside me and wrapped his arms around me, pressing my head against his sweaty chest. “Are you okay?” Zach whispered when our breathing had slowed.

  I nodded, then raised my head to kiss him. “Better than okay.” Then I put my cheek back down on his chest. “I love you, Zach.”

  His fingers on my hair paused, then he brushed his lips against the top of my head. He didn’t say anything and eventually I was too sleepy to wait any longer, and drifted off.

  ***

  We were woken the next morning by the ringing of Zach’s phone. He reached for it and answered the call with me still snuggled against his chest. From the way his voice hardened, I knew he was talking to his father.

  “Tomorrow?” He paused. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see what I can do. Yeah. I’ll let you know asap.” He hung up and flung his phone back on his nightstand.

  “Your father?”

  “Yeah, he and my mother want to meet you. They invited us over for lunch tomorrow.”

  “Oh,” I said, not able to hide my surprise. Zach had never mentioned that he’d talked to his parents about us and I had never asked. “Your parents know about me.”

  Zach pulled back to give me a strange look. “Of course. It’s been more than two months. I told my parents about you.”

  “And what do they think?”

  Zach’s lips tightened. “My mother is happy, I guess. My father doesn’t believe in relationships.”

  “He’s married.”

  “Yeah, and that’s working out perfectly,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Sometimes I think marriage was invented to make people miserable.”

  I stared. “My parents loved each other. They were happy. My dad still isn’t over my mom. Since she died seven years ago he’s never seen anyone else.”

  “Must be lonely.”

  “I suppose it is.”

  “Would you be angry if he found someone else?”

  I pondered that. “No, I want to see him happy. He’s gone through so much, first losing my mom to cancer and then what happened to me. Nobody deserves happiness more than him.”

  After that we steered clear off the topic of marriage and love, even though I felt like it was something that we should discuss at some point. Not that I was even considering marriage at this point, far from it, but it was something I might want later in my life. Zach propped himself up and hovered over me, fingers untangling my hair. “How do you feel?”

  I smiled. “Good.”

  “Not sore?”

  I shook my head. Zach kissed my throat. “How about a repeat performance?” His fingers slipped under the covers and began their work.

  ***

  Later, skin covered with sweat, I was back in Zach’s arms. “So will you meet my parents tomorrow?”

  “Of course,” I said, trying to catch my breath.

  “Expect the worst.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

  “It won’t. My father loves to drive me up the walls. He’ll probably go on about law school and why I’m such a failure and all that.” />
  “Why don’t you do something else then if you hate law so much?”

  “I don’t hate law in general. I like human rights law. I’d love to do something that helps people and not multi-billion dollar companies.”

  “Then do it.”

  Zach shook his head. I didn’t press the matter and rested my cheek against his chest. “I got the job in the café around the corner.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  “I kind of forgot to mention it because of my plan to seduce you.”

  Zach laughed. “So when do you have to start?”

  “The day after tomorrow.”

  “Before Christmas? That’s going to be tough.”

  “I’m actually excited. I know it’s nothing special, but at least I’m doing something until I decide what to do about college.”

  “That’s good. Take your time with your decision.”

  The words I love you hovered on the tip of my tongue again, but this time I swallowed them. I didn’t want Zach to feel pressured into saying them back. He’d been patient with me, and I could be patient with him.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Amber

  The house of Zach’s parents was outside of New York, but his father had an apartment in Manhattan where he spent most of the time away from his wife. As we pulled up in front of the villa, because you couldn’t really call it house, I was stunned. It had a vague resemblance to the white house and lay in a gated community. Everything about the lawn, flowers and house itself was immaculate. Zach’s parents probably had people who took care of everything for them.

  The moment I met Zach’s father I knew he didn’t like me. He was polite, charming even, but there was a trace of condescension in every twist of his mouth and look he sent me. He was almost as tall as Zach but not as broad, though it was obvious that he took care of his body and probably went to the gym when time allowed it. His hair was still mostly dark-brown¸ except for a few streaks of grey. He was a good-looking man and I didn’t doubt that his appearance and his money made it easy for him to find women for his affairs.